Self-Doubting Women Leaders
I coach a diversity of women nonprofit leaders- their organizations are so different, their backgrounds are so varied, and their operating budgets spans the gambit- but they all struggle with self-doubt, and it breaks my heart. The accomplished expert panics when asked to give a speech. The knowledgeable administrator breaks into a rash when presenting her annual budget. The experienced CEO stomach clenches before she starts a difficult phone call.
These capable women routinely take a pass on opportunities because they doubt their ability. They constantly doubt their capacity and legitimacy. Their self-doubt eats away at their self-esteem and creates a cycle of insecurity and discomfort.
Women leaders have unique sets of challenges and overcoming self-doubt is at the top of the list.
How Self-Doubt Begins
Women leading nonprofits usually rise up through their organization. They find themselves being promoted to managers, chiefs and then in the top leadership position. They often tell me they felt totally in control in their previous jobs but begin to doubt themselves when made responsible for the entire organization. If she is new in her leadership role and makes a decision which backfires, she becomes gun shy, afraid to take a stand.
They question their ability to make hard financial decisions, steer a merger or establish personnel policies. When required to take on new tasks outside of their previous sphere, their first response is to question if they can do it.
They internalize their uncertainty. It becomes an internal tape they cannot unhear.
The Power of Early Messages
Many of my coaching clients can trace the origins of their self-doubt to their childhood. They receive messages in school, from their parents and peers about their abilities. As young girls, we are often given an explicit list of what we are expected to do well and those things which are outside our ability. If you think that is an outdated, talk to the women who just this month were allowed to play professional baseball!. We may not realize how easily we internalize those message about our limitation but they rear their head when we assume leadership roles. We are not smart enough, tough enough, kind enough, etc. etc.
How Women Cope with Self- Doubt
We have a fancy name for this self-doubt, the ‘Imposter Syndrome’. The thinking behind the label is women feel like they have fooled people into thinking they are capable, but they know in their heart of hearts that they are a fake. They feel guilty that they have engendered the trust to lead that they feel they do not deserve. They do not deserve it because they know the truth, they are not as skilled as others believed they are. If people knew how truly lacking they are in ability they would never have given them the responsibility to lead their organization.
They use a variety of approaches to handle their self-doubt- some healthy and some crippling.
Unhealthy adaptations to self-doubt
- Turning down leadership opportunities
- Struggling with sleep, overeating, or substance overuse
- Hiding expertise and accomplishments
- Delegating challenging tasks due to fear
- Setting low expectations for themselves
- Becoming indecisive or paralyzed by fear
How to Cope with Lessen Self-Doubt
When self-doubt is deeply ingrained it is hard to change.
1.Label Self-Doubt
The first step is to be able to label it as doubt rather than a factual reality. One must recognize that there is something amiss, that is not healthy to question oneself to the point where you are paralyzed or feel physically unwell.
2.Re-Assess Your Perceptions
Once self-doubt is properly labeled – the next step is to realistically evaluate the accuracy of the perception. Pick a person whose judgment you trust for some honest feedback. Conduct a quick reality check by reviewing recent accomplishments
3. Actively Build Confidence
Once you conduct some realty testing, most likely you will learn you are perceived differently than you assess yourself. To break free of doubt, start with small wins. Find some tasks which trigger the doubt but you know you can master. Using what you know about yourself, what you need to do to feel prepared and capable and do that task. Nothing builds confidence like successes, and that only come from risk taking.
4.Finding Support to Banish Self-Doubt
These steps are difficult to undertake on your own. As women leaders we have unique challenges and obstacles to overcome gender stereotypes. Unwiring deeply ingrained messages of self-worth is hard work. Do not make it more difficult by trying to do it all yourself. Take classes to beef up your skill sets in weak areas, Get an accountability buddy, work with a leadership coach. There are many possibilities but do not let self-doubt dim your brilliance.